3 Parenting Styles

There are 3 Parenting Styles in the classic evaluation of parenting skills. It's important for you to know which parenting style you follow and evaluate how that is working for you.

Below you will find each style listed, what characteristics a parent with this style will have, how that effects a child and suggestions you can use to improve your parenting style.

Permissive Parenting Style

Overview:

This parenting style believes in raising a child who can think for themselves. They want to give their child everything they didn’t have while they were growing up. A child in this family is given freedom to set their own rules and limitations.

Parent’s Characteristics:

• Total commitment to the child
• Avoids conflict and confrontation
• Worried the child will get mad and not forgive
• Rarely shows anger or negativity
• Ignores bad behavior
• Sets few rules and struggles at enforcing the ones they do set
• Models a positive, generous behavior
• Over-submissive to the child
• Cannot say “no” to the child
• Any behavior is accepted behavior
• Over-indulgent with gifts and rewards

Child’s Characteristics:

• High self-esteem
• Struggles with decision making skills
• Very Social
• Poor problem-solving skills
• Doesn't know what is expected of them
• Creative
• Does not conform to rules at daycare, school or in the workforce
• Demanding
• Throws temper tantrums
• Has no sense of responsibility or rights of others
• Knows no boundaries
• Aggressive

Results of this Parenting Style:

• A child with no life experience cannot be expected to make good choices or right decisions with no guidance
• When you give a child a hug and tell them you love them in the middle of the conflict, you confuse the message your giving the child
• When the child gets older, the parent has no power to gain control or change behavior if it is misguided

Suggestions:

• Be consistent. The number one rule for every parent. Children need to know what you expect and what will happen if they don’t live up to that expectation…100% of the time.
• Determine boundaries. A child needs and wants to know exactly what their boundaries are. If you don't set boundaries, the child will constantly be testing to see how much further you let them go. When you let them go too far, it will result in bad behavior.
• Let you child get mad sometimes. It's okay if they get angry at a rule you made or a punishment you're enforcing. Children are very forgiving and they will still love you even if you had to be the parent.
• Give the child a list of rules and stick to the rules, no matter what. When you’re willing to bend the rules or ignore a rule, they pick up on that very fast and will push you until you cave in.
• Make the child earn indulgences and take away for misbehavior. You don’t have to use physical punishment if you’re willing to “stick to your guns” when it comes time to take privileges away or take material items away. Don't be willing to give things back to them just because they’re angry.

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Authoritarian Parenting Style

Overview:

This parenting style has strict rules with high expectations and low tolerance. Love is measured by how well the child obeys commands. This parent feels that no explanation to the child is necessary and that obedience must be demanded at all times. The child is told what is expected of them and no mistakes may be made.

Parent’s Characteristics:

• Beliefs on raising a child are well-intended
• Wants to raise a leader
• Expects perfection
• Believes that perfection leads to success
• Shows little to no affection
• Focuses on fixing bad behavior rather than acknowledging good behavior
• Makes all the decisions for the child
• Must be in control at all times

Child’s Characteristics:

• Does well in school
• Low self-esteem
• Struggles with decision making skills
• Poor social skills
• Poor problem-solving skills
• Highly likely to be depressed
• Has a fear of failure
• Afraid to try new things
• Feel they cannot live up to anyone's expectations

Results of this Parenting Style:

• A child who has never been allowed to make decisions or choices will not know how to do so as a teenager. This will result in bad choices being made or allowing someone else in their life to make all their choices for them.
• The fear of failure will lead to a child extremely lacking in self-esteem and confidence. They will be afraid to try new things because they may not be perfect at it.
• This child tends to be afraid to speak directly to other people for the fear of not living up to their expectations
• When the child gets older, they will resent how they were raised and rebel against the parent or opt for no relationship with the parent.

Suggestions:

• Open up a line of communication with your child. Allow them to express an opinion or have the right to disagree with something you've said.
• Don't expect perfection. A child is learning to be an adult and part of learning is making mistakes.
• Show love by physically displaying it to the child or verbally communicating it to the child.
• Be sure that punishments fit the crime.
• Command respect, don't demand it.
• Be consistent! The number one rule for every parent. Children need to know what you expect and what will happen if they don’t live up to that expectation…100% of the time.

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Authoritative Parenting Style

Overview:

Of the 3 parenting styles, this is the style that works best and produces the best results for a well-rounded, confident child.

With this parenting style, consistency is top priority. The parents make high demands on their children which are monitored and praised. They maintain control by setting rules and clear limits. These parents believe in giving their children practice at making choices and decisions.

Parent’s Characteristics:

• Establishes guidelines and explains expectations
• Teaches responsibility
• Teaches problem-solving
• Believes that both parents and child have rights
• Choice-making is age appropriate
• Willing to acknowledge success
• Clear with consequences for misbehavior
• Focused on good behavior, but reacts to misbehavior
• Teaches child that they are an important part of the family and their opinion matters.

Child’s Characteristics:

• High self-esteem
• Confident
• Well-adjusted socially
• Good problem-solving skills
• Good decision making skills
• Goal oriented
• Not afraid to try and fail
• Satisfaction in achievement

Results of this Parenting Style:

• A child who is independent, confident and well-adjusted to face the real world.
• Open relationship and good communication between parents and child
• A child who enjoys knowing what is expected of them and aims to reach those expectations

Suggestions:

• Stay consistent! The number one rule for every parent. Children need to know what you expect and what will happen if they don’t live up to that expectation…100% of the time.
• Listen. No matter how much you're willing to teach, you always have to make time to listen to your child. When they know someone is willing to listen, they're willing to communicate more.
• Always set the bar higher. When you set goals for your child and they reach those goals, raise the bar. That is what prepares them to be successful in the work force later in life.
• Remember that being a good friend is easy. Being a good parent is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Your child doesn't need your friendship. They need your guidance. They need and want to know that there are limits and boundaries.
• It's okay to reprimand for misbehavior, but remember to acknowledge and reward for good behavior.

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Want to look around some more?...

• 10 Parenting Tips
• Developmental Milestones
• Potty Training a Toddler

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Marcia Reagan is the creator of DaycareAnswers and lives in Central Minnesota with her husband and two children.  She's been an in-home daycare provider for over twenty years and loves to share her experience and passion for daycare with other providers.   Learn More